PORK--THE OTHER WHITE MEAT

Jon Dough of Lake Jericho Road started "collecting" pigs two years ago. "It's been interesting," Jon said. "You'd be surprized how smart a pig is. They have their own names and personalities." When asked if his pigs would soon be showing up at the County Fair, Jon said he didn't have any plans, as yet. When asked if his pigs would be showing up at the supermarket, Mr. Dough was apalled, "WHEN PIGS FLY!"

Last month a neighbor reported that Dough's Swine Flu <sic> and he shot one down. "There ain't nothing like a Smithfield Ham!" he commented, smacking his lips.

The Lock supervisor at Lockport vows to watch for errant swine. "It happened once before you know--some years back. Some pigs got out and wandered onto the dam; browsing for tender shoots, I suppose." He pointed to a newspaper clipping mounted to the wall, "We're not gonna have any dam pigs this Spring!"

URANIUM ON CUREE FAMILY FARM

During an excavation for a new milking barn foundation at the Eminence Curee farmstead, contractors noticed something--a peculiar coloration to the soil. State officials were called in and first findings appear to indicate a rich deposit of Uranium 238. "This is exactly the stuff that Alfred Hitchcock was talking about in that movie of his...guess life imitates art after all," the inspector said, scratching his head.

Neighbors say that they have always wondered about those Curee kids, "They're so bright, it's eerie." Marie Curee's 4th grade teacher, Ms. Mingus, says Marie is the smartest child in her class, "She's positively BRILLIANT!" Rev. Horsely said that Emil and his family are devoted church goers and their favorite song is, "This Little Light of Mine, I'm Gonna Let it Shine." "But that's just a coincidence, I'm sure." Still, long time friends say that Marie and her brothers and parents, all exhibit a glowing personality.

PASTA HARVEST PROJECTION FOR 2000

It's barely the beginning of the growing season and most of the county growers are reporting good budding on their pasta plants. Most farmers are concentrating on a particular variety, such as Rigatoni. A few farmers, concerned that the food fad for Rigatoni will wan, are diversifying this season. "We planted two acres each of Manicoti, Liguini, Ziti, Spirals, and Fetticine. The other 10 acres are devoted to the ever popular Spaghetti," said G. B. Durham. Fellow farmer, A. Winter Wheet says, "We did that too, but we added some pastina bushes."

UK Semolina Specialist, H.O. Farina, said he expects no pest problems this season. "There's very little chance of Pasta Blight being a problem since farmers diligently boiled all their pasta left over from last year's harvest. Our 1999 'BOIL OR BAKE' campaign seems to have done it's job. However, with such phenomenal conditions the harvesting could be a cause for concern; there are just so many curing barns available. Some farmers may find they will have to resort to 'open rack curing' in order to get the job done.'(See Maryellen's Recipes for Pasta in next week's edition.)

And Finally...after following the rainbow of the web for so long, here is the pot of gold for you...